Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby Paperback – October 15, 2024

I read five pregnancy/infant loss books concurrently after my son, Simon, was born still. Some were more helpful than others. As I read each book, I used sticky notes to mark particular anecdotes or passages that were helpful, profound, or validating.1. The book I found the most helpful (it has more sticky notes than I care to count right now) was "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart." I found it to be informative, engaging, validating (the author considers nearly every point of view and even uncovered some feelings that I was feeling that I didn't know I was feeling!), and reassuring. The author mentions, right after the preface, to read the book in whatever order you please, and skip the bits you want to skip. I did just that (despite being a rule-follower who reads even the preface and introduction to every book, in order). That was mighty helpful. I do caution, though, to save the last chapter for last. Chapter 17, save for absolute last, because, while not a summary, does tie themes together and provides a sense of closure. I read Chapters 14-16 last and felt compelled to re-read Chapter 17 to get the closure piece.2. "When a Baby Dies" has exactly 4 sticky notes. It wasn't of much use to me, compared to other books. However, if this is the ONE book you'll read, then it may have "enough" for you. It is written almost like an informative guide, not supplemented by much. It's like the 8th grade version of a reference book. It's the MySpace before there was Facebook.3. "How to Survive the Loss of a Child” was a startling read. The first chapter drew terrifying hard lines on the frequency of infancy loss. After Chapter 1 I had my guard up for the rest of the book. I put it down and said to my husband, “Well, that was hippy-dippy.” There was discussion of breathing techniques and aromatherapy. It was very “try this to feel better,” which was very practical but I was looking for some sympathy not help. But, after the loss of a child, you’re willing to do just about anything to feel better, so I re-read it and this time let the hippy in me shine. I made precisely 9 stick notes using the standard sticky note practice I’d adopted, but also 14 sticky notes of “techniques to try.” The book was helpful, but not necessarily sympathetic. I have and will continue to employ its techniques. Bottom Line: if you’re going to buy more than one loss book, buy this one and “Empty Cradle, Broken Heart,” and “When Hello Means Goodbye.”4. “When Hello Means Goodbye” is a guide, not a book. It (was it in the introduction?) even states, “This is not a book.” It’s a collection of sentiments and sympathies for the reader. I read this book first and I’m so very pleased that I did. I read this very close to when Simon was born, and the sympathies felt like they were written for me. The opening includes Dr. Seuss’s “A person’s a person no matter how small.” Like they knew I wanted everyone to validate Simon as a person. I dove right into this book.5. “How to Survive the Loss of a Child” by Catherine M. Sanders, Ph.D., was not what I needed. It was not written about or for infancy loss (though there is a chapter on it). There’s nothing particularly wrong with the book, it just wasn’t for me. It was meant for mothers who lost their children who were not infants. The author’s son died in his teens, which was the story in Chapter 1. I was not prepared to read a horrific story like that and then worry about my other son’s possible early demise. This book may help some, but I should have put it down after 2 pages. Despite this, I kept reading and gleaned a few things (7 sticky notes). If you’re going to buy a LOT of infant loss books, maybe this would appeal to you.

I had gotten this book for a doula class I was taking which of course you need to know everything you can when being in someone’s space while giving birth. as well as I have lost a child it is helpful to learn what you can this is a great book to read.

This book has served so many purposes for me. When I first bought it, this book helped me face my reality. Until then I had been avoiding the word "died" and from the start this book spoke candidly but kindly. As I read the book, I realized that its greatest gift was making me realize I wasn't alone. Not only were the author's words comforting, but the real game changer were the many quotes from other parents who had been through similar situations. I didn't realize how much that would help until I started reading them. I've read some other books on grief, but they all feel shallow and empty because they try to encompass more readers by talking about grief from job loss, moving, etc. When you've held your baby has he died (in my case twice), while you logically understand that people grieve things like job loss and moving, it still feels insulting to compare them to what you're going through. One book, though well meaning, even made a statement about parents "being sad for a few days but being able to move on" from infant loss. A few days? This book engulfs you with people who are grieving what you are - the loss of a baby or babies. They understand, as others don't, that not knowing the baby well can be more of an insult than a blessing. The book understands that you're deeply connected to your baby well before you see his face. As morbid as it may seem, I really wanted to know other people were going through this. I wanted to hear about their despair. Not because it made me happy, but because I desperately wanted to not feel alone and that what I was feeling was normal. I wasn't ready for a support group - I thought that would be too overwhelming - and this filled that gap. Our society has a hard time discussing death in general, but infant (and child) death is a whole other level. Several well-meaning friends ignore the topic, or us, entirely, adding to the feelings of despair and isolation. This book helps with that. Finally, this book also helped me realize how important it is to process grief and then helped me do so. It taught me not to try and suppress my feelings, or if I did (such as while I was at work), to come home and give myself a time to process them.I think the biggest positive reviewI can give for this book is that I'm currently reading it for the second time - I may even read it a third time. I'm finding that as I'm in different places in my grief, I get different things out of the chapters each time I read them. While I pray that others don't find a need for such a book, I can't recommend it strongly enough if you do. Know that you're not alone and that, as awful as it is, you do make it through, day by day.

Seven weeks ago today, we experienced the stillbirth of our daughter at 18 weeks. Finding out she had died and giving birth was a very traumatic experience. I found myself reading about others' stillbirth experiences to find a bit of comfort and solace in this difficult time, and it was there that I saw someone recommending this book. I read a lot of books during this time, and this one was the most helpful. I would say it would be helpful for anyone experiencing the loss of a pregnancy, but is especially suited for those experiencing a later loss, as it goes into depth of how to cope with delivery and spending time with your child who has passed after the birth. I have a lot of regrets about how our delivery went and the time we spent with our baby after she was born, and this book helped me deal with those regrets in a healthy way. It goes into depth on the science of how our brains process such a devastating loss, validating all of my feelings with real brain science. It has many tips on how to cope and heal and how to actively mourn your baby in ways that will enrich your life. It is quite lengthy, but I found myself being absorbed in each section, reading not only the book itself but the quotes from other bereaved parents that are scattered throughout the book. I was able to find quotes in each section that was exactly what I was feeling. I could not recommend this book enough.