Your Erroneous Zones

This reviewer has found some of Dyer’s advice helpful over the years, and this book is full of insights and prescriptions for living with confidence. A lot of us have one or more of the self-defeating behaviors he describes, and can benefit from understanding why we cling to them and how to overcome them. Here are a few examples of the good advice Dyer offers:• Blame is what people use to evade self-responsibility. Blame does not change the blamer, but it keeps the focus off the only person who can change his or her level of happiness or frustration.• Healthy people have a sense of humor and don’t take themselves too seriously. Choosing to be amused, rather than frustrated and angry, fills one with happiness instead of misery.• Trying something new, instead of always doing the same things the same way, expands potential and allows for learning. Boredom is debilitating and psychologically unhealthy; while being fearful of the unknown quashes curiosity and growth.• “Not one moment of worry will make things any better,” writes Dyer. Here he agrees with the New Testament: ”Do not worry about your life…who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matt 6: 25, 27)• “Complaining to others accomplishes nothing,” assuming the others are powerless to do anything about the problem. “It encourages self-pity and immobilizes you.” Don’t permit others to abuse you with their litany of complaints. Complaining is wasteful behavior, and it puts negativity on the listener.• Regretting, wishing and hoping are “the most common and dangerous tactics for evading the present.”• We can control our feelings, instead of allowing others or events to do so. His syllogism is this: Since I can control my thoughts, and my feelings spring from my thoughts, ergo, I can control my feelings. Controlling feelings is consistent with St. Paul who wrote he is content regardless of the circumstances.• We have to love ourselves first before we can love others, writes Dyer. Fortunately, Dyer distinguishes between healthy self-love and narcissism. If not, then Donald Trump would be the healthiest person in America.On the other hand, it is hard to fully accept some of his assertions. Dyer claims, for example, that our culture undermines independence and promotes dependence upon the opinions of others. Yet Americans have fewer close friends than people in other cultures and a weaker sense of community. If Americans are too other-oriented, Dyer must think the Asian cultures breed insanity.Dyer disapproves of approval-seeking behavior when it becomes a need and places responsibility for how one feels in the hands of others. It’s true approval-seeking can be taken to an extreme. Those who “eradicate” approval seeking behavior, however, may find themselves out of a job, since a boss’ approval is necessary for employment.“Failure does not exist,” Dyer asserts. “Failure is simply someone else’s opinion of how a certain act should have been completed.” But we live in communities, not in isolation, and the opinion of others matters, whether we like it or not.Dyer makes sense when he urges readers to eliminate chronic apologizing for things one isn’t really sorry for. He goes too far, however, in asserting that “apologizing is a waste of time…all apologies are approval-seeking.” When we cause harm or offense to someone, perhaps inadvertently, it seems a mature thing to do is to accept responsibility and offer a sincere apology. The alternative is to refuse to apologize when one has done something he regrets. Someone who never admits being wrong can be just as obnoxious as someone who is always apologetic when there is no need to be.Dyer teaches that we should eschew guilt. Feeling guilty, he writes, does not lead to exoneration for misbehavior. Actually, it is a tenet of religion that repentance leads to forgiveness. It is also a proven way to reconcile broken relationships when someone expresses sincere regret for wrongdoing. Finally, judges often take into account the offender’s repentance, or lack thereof, in setting sentences.“There is no such thing as human nature,” Dyer asserts. Human beings certainly have strong tendencies, however, such as our powerful confirmation bias to justify what we do.It’s a dream world to expect fairness and to compare ourselves to others, Dyer writes. We should eliminate external references of comparison. On the other hand, human beings are social animals, and poverty and affluence are always defined relative to others within a community. In addition, social comparison may be inborn. Research with monkeys suggests they also have a sense of unfairness. When monkeys in adjacent cages perform some behavior for a reward, they are happy until their counterpart receives a more desirable reward for the same performance, at which point they reject the inferior reward that had previously been sufficient.Dyer claims there is no need to reciprocate when others extend invitations or give gifts. We should only respond if and when we feel like it. Free riders apparently don’t bother Dyer, though most human beings have a different perspective.“The hallmark of effective marriage is minimal fusion and optimal autonomy and self-reliance.” Really? “Optimal autonomy and self-reliance” are found in being single, not married. If maximum autonomy and independence are the most important values, then why seek marriage in the first place? On the other hand, Dyer is right that dominance and submission are part of some marriages.Perhaps my disagreements come from not completely understanding Dyer’s points. But there is much to agree with in Your Erroneous Zones and readers will find it helpful. ###

This is the third item in a row that was delivered to me damaged. I ordered a brand new book. It came to me with the cover folded and a big crease up the front of the book. Now I can not give it as a Christmas present. This is getting old fast!!!

Un libro de lectura obligada para todos los publicos

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, known by many as the Father of Motivation, passed away in 2015, but left a legacy of more than 40 books on self-development. This book was his first, first published in 1976, and has sold 35 million copies worldwide.I came across this book by reference and had to read it. And it was obvious in just the first few pages why it has been such a longstanding sensation. It’s uplifting without the cotton fluff sometimes found in books of the genre. It’s very reassuring, but he certainly pulls no punches. His is brass knuckle realism all the way.The book is a primer on living in the moment and the importance of choice. It’s all about choosing your way out of regret, worry, and self-abasement. While it’s good advice even today, it had to be well ahead of its time in 1976.He promises a lot. I’m not sure that I can think my way to turning the sound of the dentist’s drill into the “most orgiastic moment of your life,” but I certainly accept the underlying premise. And he makes some very insightful points about learning, noting, for example, that the average test results among school children are not far off the best test results from a couple of grades back, suggesting that the knowledge gained at school is a function of time rather than innate talent. It makes sense.It does seem that the “in the moment” movement is getting somewhat displaced by the concept of understanding who you are in the larger context of your greater purpose in the self-development genre, but the idea has not been discredited for sure. I just think that comments such as, “There is no such thing as human nature,” while true in a figurative sense, perhaps, might raise some objection from contemporary evolutionary biologists and others in the field of science and psychology.The people who live in the moment clearly have a very transparent and absolute perspective on the world. “Justice is a simply a concept that has almost no applicability, particularly as it pertains to your own choices about fulfillment and happiness.” Again, true at some conceptual level, but not the way most of us would choose to live today. We tend to be less absolute and more relative in our values, largely because of the increasing complexity of life in an age of technology, even though that relativity introduces some conflict in our lives.All told, it’s a very quick and easy read and you will learn a lot. I particularly enjoyed his thoughts on parenting, which all of us who have attempted it know we got wrong—or at least not completely right.

So far I have owned, and given away, at least 6 copies of this book. It was essential reading and homework during therapy after a breakdown over 20 years ago and was my bible in my darkest days. I have since recommended this book to dozens of people and passed on my current copy to those in most need. I hope to always retain at least one copy for those days when I feel myself slipping and also as a reminder of how far I've come.

Wonderful and inciteful book! Such good advice on managing guilt, worry, trying to please others and many other things we try to do. It has helped me open my eyes to a lot of things I struggle with and I'm only half way through the book. It doesn't feel like a self help book but helps you understand yourself and move forward with a better mindset in life. Even though it was written in the 1970's it still so relevant and mindfulness and meditation are easily recognisable. Can't recommend highly enough.

To live happy and fulfilling life BE YOURSELF.Don’t change for anyone.We are conditioned by school of society to be and to behave according to others needs.The author wrote:“Give up having to have a reason for everything you do.When someone ask you WHY ,remember that you don’t have to come up with reasonable answer that will satisfy them.You can do what you decide just because you want to.It was quick read for me maybe because I am passionate about this topic. It’s really therapeutic because you constantly read about YOU being the most important person in YOUR life ,which is not how people are concerned for life.We have to be good,nice,do our best for others not to ourselves.The author wrote about inner security“This is the only lasting security, the only real security . Things can break down , a depression can wipe out your money, your house can be repossessed , but YOU , you can be a rock of self -esteem .You can believe so much in YOU and YOUR internal strength that things or others will be seen as mere pleasant but superfluous adjuncts to your life.”This book and the other books of Dr Dyer are really worth your time.

Perfectly outlined manual on how to live your life, with useful checklists after each chapter. Covers everything without being too pushy, long or melodramatic. Some simple but very useful examples on common self sabotage and solutions! Clearly written by a great guy who knew a lot. Thanks non incarnate Wayne! Have a great flight!

I read this book years ago when it first came out, and was fascinated, and it was an eye opener on how to make positive changes in one'slife..Therefore I bought it for a re read.Still good but having read the later similar studies since then (i e those of Chopra, who praises Dyer's work, Tölle) may have made me feel I have moved on a bit. Perhaps it is best for a "first read" for someone looking for a way to change their life and reach fulfilment and happiness. It will always be a classic in its style