How He Gets Into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser

This book is by far the best book that I ever read on the topic of domestic violence. I have learned to have more compassion on myself after reading this book. I discovered the tactics of brainwashing used by my abuser. I have learned that his abuse was intentional and evil. The motive is to have power and control over me. I have learned why he targeted me: I had no boundaries, I put others needs before my own and I was in a vulnerable place when we met. He was my night in shining armor who came to my rescue. After we married and I became pregnant, the abuse began. He told me that I could not think for myself and he was the only one who could think for me. I learned to speak his language and doubt my own thoughts. If I dared say the word abuse, he would rage that I was abusing him! I learned how he got into my head and how I lost touch with reality. I learned his tactics of targeting, setting up and grooming that are very similar to what pedophiles use on their victims. I cannot say enough praises for this book!

This book reframed everything for me. I finally saw what I had lived with for 40 years. It was a shock at first, a huge shock, to see in a completely different light a man I loved and thought I knew intimately. But even in the shock, I realized I was finally seeing the truth. Decades of confusion and hurt suddenly made sense. Many things that had not added up finally did. It’s hard to admit: “He is not at all who I thought. I fell for the lie, and got all tangled up in it, and was almost destroyed by it.” And yet admitting, “What Hennessy describes is what happened to me,” has been one of the most freeing things in my life.

I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to learn about the dynamics and impact of abusive relationships. If everyone read Hennessy's two books, they would stop shaming and blaming the victims. Everyone would finally understand that abusive people choose their targets because they want to exploit all that is good in their victim. Any survivor who reads these just may finally realize that she can hold her head high. Hennessy's team have done their homework. The conclusions they have reached through their observations ring true for this survivor and the survivors I know. A must read.

Don Hennessy finally figured out what is truly happening in abusive marriages and intimate relationships. Even the victims of this kind of abuse are detached from the damage that they endure. I haven't read anything quite like this book, but I hope I read more from people who have enough experience with Domestic violence and intimate partner abuse who recognize the patterns called out in this book. We all need this truth to help us stop abusers.

Wow! People need to know about this book. Very valuable book to understand domestic violence unlike any others. This book is a completely different way to look at it. They really need to incorporate this into trainings for professionals. I got this on kindle but I am going to order the physical book to make notes and incorporate this into my nursing care. I can forsee these theories into practice and mainstream society in the near future. Survivors or victims however you would like to label it need to read this. This book is a life changer and I honestly believe this can chip away at the cognitive dissonance at a faster pace and begin the road to healing. The main message is empowering for women. Instead of why does she stay? Why does he abuse and hold him accountable? Why does she stay questions boil my blood! Maybe people don't understand because they aren't educated on the topic but that question just shames women.

Good read if you have ever struggled with abuse from your male partner. Who could have known the implications from when we were first dating. I wish there was a way to teach our young daughters to recognize the signs and for mothers to instill a sense of decency in their young sons. As a mother of both a boy and a girl, its worth the read.

This book lays out the facts about male intimate abuse, calls out the counseling community for conspiring with the abuser unintentionally, while making the abuse the fault of the target. This book rightly places the responsibility on the abuser. A must read for any counselor and the target of such abuse. Eye-opening and empowering.

Both men and women give bad advice and examples regarding relationships. It is hard for a woman to find her way. But kudos to courageous girls who say no and listen to their own spirits and inner voice. I also think it is a blessing to quietly listen to your voice of reason. What is reasonable? What fun is there in life being a doormat? Where is it written you are to be some guys personal porn star? Why are you a slave or a beaten up servant? What? You can ditch the 10 commandments because you are a Male? What happened to being a decent guy. And get a man who doesn't need pity. Be kind to children and pets. Kick the guy while he's down and tell him you will stop when he gets up off the floor and stands up.

An exraordinarily insightful book about abusive intimate relationships (Domestic Abuse)As a survivor of Domestic Abuse (& now a volunteer helping survivors cope/come to terms with what has been done to them) I found this book built on and developed my awareness.It made my blood run cold as I realised the complexities that had been used to control me for more than 40 years. My husband was not a clever man, intellectually, however that did not prevent him from using unbelievably clever (& devastating) tactics to (almost) destroy who I was.This is a book that anyone working in this field should read - but also should be read by survivors or those who think their relationship "could" be abusive.

While this is written from the perspective of, and with the intended audience being the outside helpers that meet the victim, and handles how to understand what has happened and how to actually help the situation get better, I've found it to be very precise and helpful for us that have been subjected to this behaviour as well. He points very clearly to the subtle brainwashing and testing of personal integrity, or lack thereof, in the had to first do a reality shift in his understanding of how much women actually already are treated subtly as less all the time anyways. The abuse is only on a continuum of that, and that is the starting key to answering "but why did she stay". Because the abuser behaves in a way most all men do all the time, only deliberate and worsening over time.The next thing he then goes on to is unwrapping the process of brainwashing. And it's the same around the world, though culture makes some steps less important as women are already more used to ignoring their own experiences.A quick way for the abuser to get a bit more lee-way is saying he's had a terrible childhood and most often also that exes have cheated on him. This way it's easier to accept that it's your own fault that he is becoming annoyed or angry. You already know that he has so bad experiences, so what right to you have to not accept his negative behaviour towards you after you've smiled at another man, or him having become angry for you not answering a text fast enough or something.Also, he points out clearly that we all must be aware that women in/having been in a relationship with a man like this will not speak her own voice. She will describe actions with the words the abuser has given her. A hit is a slap etc. She will explain the abusers behaviour as the result of different things that she has been imprinted with from the abuser. Listen for a woman complaining about abusive behaviour, and then also saying a lot of things about why he reacted like he did. She migt say it as "he's in the wrong about that, right?" but it's still being said and explained the way he's ingrained in her. It's obvious when you hear it.Sound familiar? Then you probably will find lots of valuable knowledge in this book.He also shows quite clearly how the abuser easily get's under the skin of police and cousellors too. And how this behaviour is concious and chosen. This is very important for professionals to understand, and be aware of. The safety of the woman should be paramount, and thus it's important to not sanction him before she is safe. And how can this be achieved if the ones supposed to help her are blinded to the most important details by letting the abouser and his brainwashed victim deciding what to focus on, away from the actual problems?

I have done the Freedom Program ( Women's Aid run it, ask about it), managed to flee and stay out, safe.I'm finding this a really helpful book in trying to get a understanding of how, why I've been through such a horrific time. I'm finding it clear, easy writing to digest. Helping me to make sense of my horrific experiences.

Great book from someone who works with the perpetrators of domestic abuse and their targets. Focus is on the abuser and how they operate, rather than the target. A must read to ensure you can spot the red flags and get out before it's too late, or help make sense of things after you leave. Tldr: it's not you, it's them.

Very empowering read and an insight into why a man gets on like this. It may give some slight answers as to why you were treated badly. Coming out of an abusive relationship myself, this book helped me heal