The Way We Never Were: American Families And The Nostalgia Trap Paperback – October 6, 1993

Very informative. Keep in mind that the statistics are outdated, but the intro and epilogue summarize almost current stats well

What this book is: It is a scholarly, well-researched college-level sociology or history textbook that is grounded in statistics…lots and lots (and lots!) of statistics.What this book is not: It is not easy to read.Written by Stephanie Coontz, a college history professor, this book examines the history of the family from colonial times to today with a focus on how nostalgia for the "good old days" continually trips us up—because the "good old days" never really existed. Why? Our brains are really good at changing reality into a warm-fuzzy view of the past, remembering only the good and forgetting the bad.This is particularly true of the mythical family of the 1950s, especially as portrayed on popular '50s TV shows, such as "Ozzie and Harriet" and "Father Knows Best." We have mythologized the 1950s as a golden age for families, the economy, and the country when the stark reality was very different in many important ways.Find out:• how the decade of the 1920s was one of sexual revolution that is second only to the 1960s.• what the 1950s were really like and how the myths and misconceptions still affect us today.• how the nuclear family became immortalized as essential to the wellbeing of society and the real effects—both good and bad—this has caused.• why the American family has never been self-reliant and the many ways it has always benefited from government handouts. Exhibit A: The mortgage tax deduction.• why women went to work in droves in the 1970s. In case your answer is the women's movement, think again.I gave this book four stars because it is well written and expertly researched, but it is way too academic for me. (Had I known this in advance, I doubt I would have bought it.) Still, I read it to the end.I know not to judge a book by its cover, but the whimsical and lighthearted cover design led me to believe the book would be more for the common reader than the scholar. I was wrong.

My children would have read this book had it been around when they were growing up. My husband and I felt it our duty as parents to educate our children beyond what their schools taught and the false narratives from relatives regarding American history. We kept an open dialogue with both of them regarding human sexuality, colonization throughout history, the Civil War, Dr. Martin Luther King’s murder, the lack of Civil Rights, necessary information to satisfy their questions and my questions. The Way We Never Were has been very informative. Thank you!

I've really enjoyed reading this book every night before I fall asleep. I can picture the information in the book, and feel like I'm really there. Another plus is that it's obvious that Coontz wants to be unbiased in a political sense---she tries to cover history in a way that neither blames nor overly sympathizes with any particular side. The focus of the book seems to be on economics--classes, particularly, which is interesting enough for me, but I found the book lacking in terms of day-to-day family life and examples that I was hoping for. There also seems to be a bit of repetition throughout the book and some references to events that I'm unfamiliar with. While I think that the book is exceptionally well-researched (there are tons of pages of notes in the back of the book), I don't feel like I've really come away with much information other than that we should accept life as it is now and not romanticize the past, since the past wasn't really what we think it was. Don't get me wrong--it's interesting to learn about the class systems of the times, but for family history, I'd look into a different book.

Have only skimmed the book, but Brene Brown refers to the book in her TV special/series about her latest book Atlas of the Heart. I know I will learn something good when Brene is involved!

The title should be "The Way we Were." She describes (albeit with a rather left wing perspective) the first half of the 20th century much in accord with my Grandfather's diaries, and the second half much as I remember it growing up in a middle class environment. Life was better for some than others, better for the working class in the first part of the 20th century than today, in some important ways (access to college, safety in the streets, cost of houses). Strange that she leaves out the Vietnam War and the 1960s riots and their causes, management and mismanagement.Her perspective gets in the way of noting that "government," (an undefined entity) got the money that it "used to subsidize the middle class families of the 1950s" mostly from those families.Except for the excursions into liberal semi-outrage, the book is a fair exposition of the changes in family, working classes, and conditions for women and men, over the past century (the diaries don't go back much further). Those who haven't lived much of it may find it semi-informative, but they would be well advised to counter the bias by reviewing the Oakland Tribune and Time Magazine Archives.After reading it, my assessment is "meh."

While it’s refreshing to have an informed book on the family, I found the writers style difficult to read and follow. If one persist through this book they are rewarded with much myth breaking about American families now and through the past. The book is at its best when it tries to analyze the myth of the 1950’s American family. I gave the book three stars because of its style not content. It’s worth the investment in time to read this book.

It was an interesting book if you like sociology.