A Complaint Free World, Revised and Updated: Stop Complaining, Start Living

I'm really not the target audience for this sort of book. My favorite "self-help" book is Oliver Burkeman's "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking." I love Barbara Ehrenreich's screeds against toxic positivity. Oh, and I am totally skeptical of anything "woo" like The Secret. I have a long, painful history with chronic anxiety, depression and PTSD which means I am pretty much conditioned to see the negative in my life. But I guess I picked this up because I was looking for something different.I liked the book. It does veer into toxic positivity at times, and is occasionally a bit woo, but it also makes some salient points about the way focusing on the bad brings more of the negative experience to our lives. I have never actively tried to think positively about anything! So I decided to try the challenge. I bought some inexpensive gemstone bracelets as my special complaint-free bracelets ($10 for 10, here on Amazon). What I found is that I complain every day. I don't complain constantly, but I think I started this exercise a month ago and consistently complained every day at least once, usually at the end of the day when I wasn't thinking about monitoring my behavior. I realized that the "end of the day" sessions with my husband frequently consist of us just complaining about what went wrong that day. Of course the first thing I noticed is how much my husband complained, but rather than lecturing him on how much he complains I've just focused on myself, and I have to say, he's started to think more positively just because I'm not adding to the negativity.So this exercise has made me much more aware of my thoughts and behavior.Since I didn't seem to be able to realize I was complaining until it was too late, I just decided to adjust the complaint into a non-complaint as it happened. I added, "but..." to the end of every complaint with some positive thing that came out of it. "The store was packed today... but I found everything on my list despite the food shortages." I actually caught myself doing it automatically yesterday! And I realized today it's been a few days since I've complained. So if anyone is struggling with remembering not to complain, try it like I did, and just add "...but" to the end of your complaint. Poof. It's no longer a complaint.When I finished the book, I sat down and wrote down what my most frequent, recurring complaints are. I realized, with some sadness, that my number one complaint is concerning my daily artistic practice: "writing is hard." I had so internalized "writing is hard" as incontrovertible fact, that I believed suffering for my art was inevitable. It made me bitter and frustrated on a daily basis. I had no idea how toxic and negative my attitude toward my own fiction writing had become until I sat down to examine it. So I decided to start a daily gratitude practice where, after every single writing session, I write down ten things I'm grateful for about that session. It's a lot of things to come up with, especially on days where I didn't write many words. But I really pushed myself to find ten things. It's changed how I relate to my own work, and how I experience writing as I do it. I'd say that's the most profound change that's come out of reading this book. I love writing again.So my other piece of advice is to triage this activity. Sit down and figure out what your recurrent complaints are, the things you tell yourself day after day after day, and figure out how to change your thinking around them. Tackling those complaints first will make the biggest impact.My life is changing for the better. The book gave me a push to become aware of my own thoughts and how frequently they make a challenging situation worse. I used to believe you couldn't control your thoughts, and I still believe that, but I now believe you can choose which thoughts you pay attention to. So it's getting better, some snowball effect of reading this book, creating a gratitude practice, EMDR therapy, quitting caffeine and sugar drinks, being more mindful of my spending and a host of behavioral changes that I have made.So that's my life at the end of 30 days. Better. (And I'm still on Day 2 of the challenge. Some of us take longer than others.) I also signed up for Will Bowen's JumpStart newsletter/video series and have really enjoyed watching those. It's been refreshing looking for the good in everyday experience. I never would have thought it would make a difference for someone like me.

The first thing to understand about A Complaint Free World is that Will Bowen is NOT saying to be a doormat! He explicitly says "Directing a comment to someone who can improve your situation is not complaining." He says "I am NOT advocating remaining silent when there is something that has happened which you need corrected." His assistant, Marcia, says "It is NOT about stuffing your emotions in and putting on a Pollyanna face."What they are going on is Dr. Robin Kowalski's definition, which was used in a famous study on complaining. "Whether or not the particular statement reflects a complaint ... depends on whether the speaker is experiencing an internal dissatisfaction."So it's important to know this up front. This book is ALL for speaking out, speaking up, making changes, seeking improvements. It is about doing those things in a way that keeps you healthy, and will best reach your goals.So, with that being understood, what is this book about? Will Bowen was trying to inspire his church members to live more attentive lives. Many of them had financial difficulties. The financial planning books they had talked about how complaining did little good to help - that people had to face their problems head on, work out solutions, and then work through them with energy and focus.Will liked this idea and thought he could help people with the complaining part at least. He ordered 500 purple wrist bands that said "spirit", passed them out, and asked everyone to try not complaining for 21 days. If you complained, you moved the wrist band to the other wrist and started counting again. The moving-the-band was key - it was a physical action, something that your brain began to pay attention to.People thought this would be easy - and then discovered they had to move the band 20 times in one day! Will himself broke 3 bands with all the moving before he succeeded. The average person who tries this takes 4-8 MONTHS before they succeed. However, they improve as time goes - and they report being SO much happier by the end.Why?"You can best get what you desire by expressing what you WANT rather than complaining about the way things are." People actually made far more progress in their lives when they phrased their desires in a way that enticed action, instead of in a way that was negative. Listeners get defensive and hostile at criticism - but they feel drawn to help if you are going for a positive goal."You have a right to get what you deserve. To achieve this don't talk about or focus on the problem. Focus BEYOND the problem." This is echoed in many other books. What you focus on is what you tend to get. If you complain about being fat and unhappy, you'll probably stay fat and unhappy! If you talk about your goals to go walking more, and your desire to go walking, I bet people will cheer you on and offer to go walking with you.As Earl Nightingale says, "We become what we think about".They have distributed 6 million FREE bracelets already, so this is resonating with a lot of people.Will lays out the four stages of achieving mastery of ANY subject, including non-complaining.* Unconscious incompetence* Conscious incompetence* Conscious competence* Unconscious competenceWhat this means is we start out trying a new thing without realizing just how hard it could be. That's fine, otherwise we might not even try smile So with complaining, we start out thinking "heck that's easy" and then realize just how much we DO complain. So we're now conscious of how much work is ahead of us. But then over time, we get much better at it with attention - and finally it is a normal healthy part of our lives and we do it naturally.The Psychological Bulletin study on complaining found that many complain to get sympathy, attention, or to dodge out of doing something. They even found that doctors felt 2/3rds of all visits to them were based on something mental / emotional! For example, someone gets extremely stressed by work - and this drives up their blood pressure. Think of how much more healthy we could all be if we found a better way to deal with stress and issues!Ben Franklin said "The best sermon is a good example." Will points out that you shouldn't complain about others complaining smile Don't try to change others. Just be yourself, and don't "feed" their complaining. You might find they change naturally when they don't have a complaining buddy!Will emphasizes that this is NOT about being a passive doormat. Martin Luther King Jr had his dream. Rosa Parks took her seat and held it. They had a positive vision of the future, and they went for it. They achieved great things.He reminds you to think about why you are complaining, if you do. Criticizing a place (like a cheap restaurant) if often a form of bragging about your more sophisticated tastes. Criticizing others is a way of saying you are better than they are. He says it is fine to "process" - to share your feelings. "I feel upset because of what was said." He says it is less healthy to deliberately bash others, "She is a stupid jerk for doing that."Overall I found this a very well written book, with great examples, a healthy dose of humanity, and a wonderful message for us all. Will doesn't say this is easy. He doesn't even say this is for everyone. But I definitely agree that many of us complain at the drop of a hat, over things that are really not a big deal at all. All that stress affects our bodies and our health. If we were able to find the humor in life - and find positive action to fix the things we want to fix - our world would really be a much better place.Highly recommended!

I used to complain all the time. I used to belittle everyone. I made the work place negative. But with this book and the program it contains I have hope for a much better life. I have started the Complaint Free World 21 day challenge. I am committed to the program and will do what it takes to complete it. It is one of the best books I have ever read and I will read it some more. It deserves a five star rating for the hope it gives the world.

Es un libro que en un abrir y cerrar de ojos te da la clave para mejorar tu vida y hacer un giro de 180 grados hacia la dirección correcta.

What a wonderful concept and it really works. At the moment I am on day 1 for the 12 th day in a row.. Haven't yet managed to day 2 . Am I disappointed? Not at all....it showed me just how much of a negativity bias I was operating under and now have gone from changing my band at least forty times per day to one or two and I feel so much better and happier. I have recommended this to many people who are all very impressed. It would be cool if Amazon stocked the bracelets as well as the book as I have had to send to the States for them and it takes a few weeks. In the meantime using one of my granddaughter's scrunching. I can see it taking me a long time to get to 21 complaint free days in a row but that's okay..in this case it's very much about the process...the journey rather than the destination.Highly recommended

I am reading lots of books, this is the one that absolutely helps me from my previous depression. Compare to the similar books I read, this one is mind blowing.I don't think I would like to become a complaint free person, but it does make me love my life so much more, ignoring the small imperfections that ought to happen. I recommended this book to my family, friends and even my facial treatment therapist. This is a book to make you happy and find positivity in your daily life. I read a little bit per day, feels like having daily chicken soup to the soul. I will read again in the near future to remind me how to appreciate the beautiful life.

I got this book as it was recommended. It uses some lovely anecdotes to highlight the negativity of complaining and the different ways in which we complain. So, if you want to have a more positive outlook on life, read this book and take the complaint free challenge. It's harder than you think, but well worth it!

I bought this book out of curiosity and I really liked it. It's a fast, simple read, with practical tips on how to stop complaining and start thinking in a more positive manner. It's a book about appreciation and communication, with personal experience accounts from the author himself and from other people who have accepted the challenge to not complain for 21 days in a row.