Guts: The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster

In the interest of full disclosure: I am the father of a recovering addict.During the last several years, I've read more books about addiction than I can remember. Scientific books, self-help books, memoirs, books about rehabs, etc. If there's a book out there about addiction, chances are I've read it. Or it's on a bookshelf waiting for me to read it because my wife and I have our own little addiction library at home.The other day, on a day off from work, I finished reading one of the better memoirs I've read. In fact, I read the entire book in one sitting, which is unheard of for me. (I'm a pretty slow reader. I'm a perfectionist and I like to read slowly so I make sure I don't miss anything. It's a sickness, really.)The book that had me hooked right from the Foreword--and made me spend most of my day off on the family room couch--is "GUTS: The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster" by Kristen Johnston.Johnston is an actress who is probably best known for her Emmy Award-winning portrayal of Sally Solomon in the late-'90s/early '00s comedy series 3rd Rock from the Sun. She currently stars as Holly Franklin in the TV Land comedy The Exes. She's also a recovering addict.GUTS is an incredibly honest, sobering (pun intended), and hilarious memoir. Hilarious in parts for sure, thanks to Johnston's wicked sense of self-deprecating humor. But the book is very serious, too. After all, addiction in and of itself isn't really funny.One of the most serious and honest parts of the book takes place while Johnston is hospitalized in England on New Year's eve 2006:"....I heard a loud bang. Because I'm from New York City, I almost ignored it, assuming it was just someone being murdered. Then, out of the corner of my eye, a burst of orange. I looked up from my bed out the window, and I saw the most glorious, enormous splashes of color lighting up the skyline. Fireworks! I could even hear the 'oohs' and the 'aahs' floating up from the celebrating crowd.To this day I don't know exactly why, but for some mysterious reason, this was the moment that sanity finally chose to break through the madness that had held me in its iron grip for so many years. With no warning, I was struck by this thought:There are people in that crowd who are looking at the same fireworks I am right this very second who are STONE COLD SOBER. There are people in that crowd who don't feel the need to touch the back pocket of their jeans constantly to make sure the six pills are still there. There are people in that crowd who are simply enjoying the spectacle, without wondering if they have one refill left at the pharmacy, or if they would have to call yet another doctor. There are people out there RIGHT NOW who are with their loved ones and are just happy to be alive.Grief overwhelmed me. True, real sorrow not for me, but for finally seeing the truth of what I was. A selfish, self-serving, loathsome creature who did nothing to better the world. I finally truly felt the weight of all the pain I had caused, all the tears that had been wasted on me, all the gifts that had been given to me that I had just carelessly frittered away, and all of the thousands of hours I had spent obsessing about something as ridiculous, boring, and stupid as me.I don't want this life anymore, I thought. I can't bear who I've become."---------------------------------------That's some powerful stuff, isn't it?So is this, which is my favorite passage from the book:"I knew that I needed to start accepting that I was me--and I needed to do it pronto--because life, it is short. And the very notion of spending the rest of my life still desperately wishing I was anyone but me? Unacceptable."Take it from me: GUTS is a book you'll start reading and won't be able to put down. And when you're finished with it, you'll admire the hell out of Kristen Johnston for putting her addiction, her life, and her soul "out there" for everyone to see. And for helping to break the stigma associated with addiction. ("I believe, without a doubt, that the shame and secrecy that shroud the disease are just as deadly as the disease itself," she says in the book's Epilogue.)It should also be pointed out that Kristen has donated a portion of the book's proceeds to SLAM (Sobriety Learning And Motivation), a group she formed that is dedicated to starting the first sober high school in New York City/New York State. You can learn more about SLAM at SLAMNYC.org.

There were two parts of the book in particular that made me shudder with recognition.The first is where she describes witnessing her brothers bullying.With no means of voicing her feelings, she violently lashes out at one of his tormentors.Describing this as one of her many `ill advised decisions.' I felt it was actually a truthful reaction to extraordinary pain. She had no other way to express how she felt but violence.Her feelings were demanding a release.This type of irrational, compulsive behavior is `normal' in someone who has learnt to protect their inner world, by building a wall around themselves.It should therefor come as no surprise that this little girl grew up to become addicted to `pain pills' as an adult. It was inevitable that she was going to find a way to numb the pain of feelings, she could never dare express.The second incident that touched me, is when the first crack in her wall begins to show. Johnston has been admitted to a hospital in England for life saving surgery, when her intestines literally burst from all the drugs she had been taking. Because she is in so much pain and can barely move, she has to ask a nurse to help her wash her hair.As an adult, she realizes this is the first time she has ever asked anyone for help.Ever.By this point in the book, her loneliness and isolation are palpable, and the simple act, of another human being tenderly washing her, is almost heart breaking.It's clear that Johnston has never let anyone in and the sheer thought of it terrifies her.The reason this book should be compelling reading for any addict or alcoholic, is just how much Johnston reveals of the inner life of an addict.She rightfully claims to being completely unoriginal in her feelings and behavior, her experience of addiction is just like anyone else's.Addicts will do anything to prevent anyone seeing who they really are, they will fight tooth and nail to defend the wall they have built around themselves. Johnston is certainly no different.Like many addicts Johnston paints a picture of determined self-reliance. Believing she can just power through anything with her grit and determination. Unwilling and unable to face up to her reality, I believe it was no coincidence that her body finally forces her to see what her mind refuses to.Thousands of miles away from home, friends and family; unable to work, she could do nothing but stare at the ceiling and contemplate how things have ended up this way.Too weak to fight and with no distractions, the wall she had built around herself slowly begins to crack."I suppose I was also grieving for the loss of the unfeeling, jokey, impenetrable me."Inevitably when that wall cracks; grief, loss and loneliness flood in. Johnston shares all of this with the reader. Then, for someone who has determinedly hidden her true self from the world, she begins to discover who she really is, for the very first time. Vulnerable, scared and very lost she begins the journey back to herself.The miracle of recovery is, that despite everything we have believed about ourselves, who we really are is glorious. We don't need to hide or be alone anymore; who we really are is just fine. This book convinces you that if Kristen Johnston can discover this, then so can you.

I was never a big fan of Kristen Johnston. I never watched 3rd Rock From the Sun. I never watched The Exes. My only real exposure to her was as Ivana Humpalot from the Austin Powers movies. When she started to show up on the TV series Mom, I was kind of insulted that this newbie was taking away storylines and dialogue from the regular series cast (that has changed over the years). Then I caught a few of Kristen's tweets on Twitter. She seemed like a really down-to-earth person, and hilarious as hell. It made me appreciate her more as a person and as a character on Mom. She's now one of my favorite characters, and I'm sad that Mom isn't being renewed for another season.Thanks to Kristen's pinned tweet about her book GUTS, I decided to buy a copy. I read through it pretty quickly. It's primarily about her addiction to drugs and the resulting stomach episode she experienced (hence, GUTS). However, reading stories of her youth (and even as an adult), you can tell she really is that down-to-earth, accepting, friendly person. She's someone I'd love hanging out with. She doesn't sugarcoat things, isn't pretentious, and is relatable.The memoir was very well-written. I felt as if she was sitting across the table, telling me the entire story. Actually, I pictured her character Tammy Diffendorf from Mom talking to me. I'd love to hear/read more, so I hope this isn't a one-and-done memoir.

Great book,hard to put down

This is a terrific read: a memoir about addiction that is by turns hilariously funny and desperately sad, but never judgemental and certainly never boring; most importantly it is ultimately extremely hopeful. Kristen Johnston's a hugely talented actor and here she proves a gripping, adept writer with a hugely likeable authorial voice. I found myself rooting for her from the get-go, and very moved as she charts -with brutal honesty and a scarcity of self-pity- her self-made hell from addiction to alcohol and prescription drugs. There is also alot of fun and alot of love in this book, and it has certainly made me look at certain aspects of my own life. Very highly recommended.

I thought saying giant font was funny because she calls herself a giant but there’s actually huge font in the book 😂 I’m not funny, but this book was.

I had a lot of thoughts after reading it and discussed it a lot with my husband. To avoid spoiler, I will just say it is worth reading if you want to understand why someone could become an addict and why addiction is so difficult to get rid off. It helps you to understand those who are different from you.

Fantastic book, hilarious and so well written. Would highly recommend.