Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage

I found this book both profound and completely readable. Ellyn Bader and her husband Peter Pearson write with honesty and wisdom about the journey through the four stages of marriage. I think this book would be very helpful for any couple trying to understand their journey.

great read

Tell Me No Lies is more than practical self-help (though just that would be useful). It provokes a way of thinking and acting --not just doing -- to develop and sustain truer relationship. An brilliant must for people involved with other people.

"Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage" by Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson is strong encouragement for being honest in all ways to co-create a terrific partnership. My favorite part of the book is the section called Freedom to Explore. Heeding the call of the Wanderer to find our individual passions, ideas, and activities separate from our partner is a requirement for reaching the highest levels of well-being in our relationship. It is an area that is neglected in the personal growth literature and I applaud Bader and Pearson for addressing it so thoroughly. It is a gift to the reader who may not even understand what is holding them back from attaining the higher levels of satisfaction in their partnership.Linda Bloom-co-author of  That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places

It is difficult to imagine how lies and lying could be expounded upon in such a remarkable way! But Bader & Pearson have done it, and have done it better than one might imagine. For this is not simply a book about the impact of lying upon relationships, it is a dissertation on the essence of intimacy and the secret of how to grow close to one another.Every couple who is truly committed to the growth of their marriage would benefit from this book. In addition, all clinicians who dare to work with couples need to all but memorize this volume. But don't be fooled by the ease of the read--there is much to be absorbed here, and the true student of human relationships, or the curious couple, will find that one pass through these deceptively deep pages is not nearly enough. Bader & Pearson's breadth of knowledge is evident throughout the entire manuscript, and no doubt, they have a scholarly understanding of philosophy as well as psychology. Somehow they are able to blend their clinical knowledge with their awareness of the vicissitudes of Silicon Valley without developing a severe case of cynicism.Needless to say, no other author/couple has woven into their work their own marriage in such a real way, and yet has no axe to grind. All of us in the clinical field owe a debt of gratitude to these two for what they have written, and the fact they had the wisdom to write. The married and the about to be married are likewise blessed to have the material at their finger tips that can be found in Tell Me No Lies.

Once I picked up this book I was unable to put it down. From the first chapter I was able to identify myself and my partners, not only in my marriage but in past relationships as well. The authors show that they have a firm understanding of relationships and the interactions that occur within them. Not only do they expose the lies that we use everyday, both large and very small, but they explore some of the root reasons why we lie in a clear, consise manner. More importantly, they explore how to prevent lies in the future, giving simple solutions and equipment for your "emotional toolbox".Although the book's subtitle may cause potential readers to believe that it is only for married couples, many of the examples and tools can be applied to other relationships as well.I whole-heartedly recommend this book because of its ease of reading, excellent examples, and the tools that it provides.

Not just for the clinician, this is an excellent read for any person in any kind of relationship, not just marriage. I so appreciate Bader & Pearson's sharing of their own marital challenges, and found the example case histories to be illuminating and inspiring. Hope they come out with an audio version.