Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

This book describes in detail some of the exact situations that are occurring with my ex and the exact ways in which my 12 year old daughter is responding to and interacting with me as a result. It is like the authors have a window into my life, and the advice and solutions they give have been very helpful to me. It is nice to have more of an understanding of why my daughter is reacting the way she is and choosing to side with her very toxic other parent and blaming me, the parent who has always been the more stable and present one. It is also extremely helpful to have some guidance on how to deal with it in a way that will hopefully help to preserve my relationship with my child along with some insight into what she might be thinking and feeling. I have found this book so useful that I even told my divorce attorney about it so she can share with other clients who are in similar situations.

If you are going through a divorce or have been divorced for years and share custody with a total jerk who goes out of their way to try to turn the kids against you, undermine your authority as a parent, and push you completely out of the picture, this book will save your sanity! I have been to court FOUR TIMES with my nasty, toxic ex. I have been through hell with my three beautiful children. If my ex didn't exist, my kids and I would have a wonderful relationship, but he constantly puts thoughts in their heads and badmouths me daily. He's been through 5 wives now and tries to make every new girlfriend/wife the kids' new mother. If I would have known about this book sooner, I firmly believe I could have saved myself thousands of dollars in counseling, mediation, and attorney fees. This book will give you the tools to deal with your nasty, toxic ex and maintain a beautiful relationship with your children. I am so grateful for this book. It's also a bit of a workbook. Every chapter has exercises for you to check boxes and make notes. This book is totally marked up from all of my notes. I will refer to it often over the next 6 years until my kids are all legal adults and I can be done with dealing with my nasty, toxic ex.

I bought this for a friend going through a tough divorce in anticipation of some challenges in the area of co parenting. While he's not completed the book, I took the liberty to skim through it and found it far beyond my expectations. The title is misleading in that the principals can be utilized in dealing with not only a toxic ex but friends and family whom might employ manipulative tactics in their dealings. I liked the principles so much that I ended up dog earing the book and kept it. Problem was when my friend most needed the book I was unable to give it to him given I'd marked the copy up with notations, comments and affirmations. I unfortunately had to get another copy through back order. Over all the book is a great read with time tested techniques and well worth the read. I would recommend this book to anyone anticipating a tough time dealing with an ex or any challenging situations where relationships are tested.

I bought this for a friend who is dealing with exactly the situation described in this book, and I read it too. It was both sad and relieving to learn that his ex's confusing behavior is in fact following a pattern set by many others before her—sad that so many people harm their children this way, but relieving because at least we can learn from the experiences of others. One thing I found interesting and encouraging is that a lot of the book is not about how to deal with the ex directly, but about how to strengthen your bond with your child and help him or her develop a strong core of kindness, empathy, independence, and critical thinking skills (everything the other parent is in the process of destroying) so that he or she can resist brainwashing even when you're not there to help. Although the book doesn't promise miracles, it has definitely provided a strong glimmer of hope.

I use the audio and listen while driving to work. My ex is verbally abusive when mad so this helps. The womans voice is nice and clear. What's nice is you can rewind and listen to something over easy. It really makes you think about what's best for your child. Don't ever say anything bad about your ex to your child even though they talk about you, your child will be much happier having one parent they can be free with. It has been very helpful. Reading books puts me right to sleep so audio is the way to go.

So much in this book is about helping YOU to have the right mind set, energy, and attitude toward parenting your child. It’s about positive parenting and changing YOUR perspective to focus on how YOU can do things better and in the process, counteract the negative messages a toxic ex is likely giving your child. Even if the exact scenario of a toxic ex isn’t your own, the parenting suggestions and self talk tips are GOLD.

If you are suddenly having relationship issues with your child/step child and you have seen proof that the ex has been creating problems and you can’t quite figure out how to help the innocent child stuck in the middle, read this! It explains and puts a label on their toxic behavior, how it effects the child in a life long way and how you can help from your position, without making it harder on the child/ren involved. If you are insecure and might be the one causing the problems, read this! The sooner you understand all of the behaviors and their effect, the sooner you can be a better version of yourself, in any role involved. A parent’s love for their child should always be stronger than their hate for the ex or their new spouse. And the child/ren are ALWAYS worth our best efforts!

I was hoping there would be more suggestions on if your child refuses to see you at all. This is for kids that haven’t written their parents off for good. Assuming you still have some influence on them. I wanted more advice on how to work with the therapist to show the things the author pointed out.

The book was incredibly useful to provide a toolbox to not only identify what your child is experiencing, but also -and most importantly - how to respond in a way that help your child navigate the situation. Once you become aware of what is happening, a lot of the readings you do puts your ex at the centre - and quite frankly as much as I tried to be compassionate - my ex is not the one who needs my help, love and support right now. My children are! As soon as I Started the book, I was able to apply some of the strategies and this made a world of a difference. Of course, there were slip ups and difficulties but it empowered me with an appropriate reaction in almost any situation.

I’m so glad I bought this book. It’s made a huge difference in my approach to parenting, and dealing with my abusive ex. This is the book you need if your ex spouse is an abusive narcissist.

Habe viele davon gelesen, andere nicht. Es hilft sie zu lesen, sie lesen zu können bei Bedarf oder es bleiben zu lassen, um gute sowie schlechte Tage zu haben. Ich denke, dass man eh schon alles probiert hat, wenn es an die Bücher geht. Es gibt so viele Wendungen zum Guten und zum Schlechten. Der ganze Wahnsinn entbehrt jeglicher Vernunft. Wenn auch nur eine Seite irrational handelt, hilft alles nicht.

Excellent book. I found every bit of it extremely helpful. The facts of the situation and what a targetted parent can do about it, are spelled out clearly and directly. So many of the case studies cited in the book echoed my difficult experiences between 1979 and the mid 1990s, when I sent my children on access to a hostile and vindictive ex spouse. There was no such literature available to help me through it then. I found the advice at the end, to parents affected by parental alienation, particularly helpful in finding a way forward for myself now, through what has been a most difficult time that spanned a large part of my life and still affects us now even though he's died a couple of years ago (mercifully). I am looking forward to reading "Surviving Parental Alienation". Until I had read Amy J. L. Baker's books I had not fully realised how much harm a toxic non-custodial ex can do to their children. My ex was a skilled and cunning manipulator and liar par excellence, who committed himself to turning the children against me, in order to get revenge on me and vindicate himself. I see now that he did not let up, ever, even after they grew up, when I'd felt they would be safe from his harmful influence. I was so wrong. He primed the children from ages three and four to see him as totally right and me as totally wrong. Of course, no real situation of co-parenting is ever like this. We did not really have co-parenting. My ex was always totall anti-me so there was no co about it. There was a black schism.

Got this for my partner who is going through court for a second time with her narcissistic ex. Who currently has about 50% of time, but that's not enough. This book has been so helpful to her even if just to reassure her that it's not her and it hasn't only happened to her. Helped her in many ways. Only regret is not purchasing it sooner.