The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

Absolutely loved this book! Full of actual actionable advice and really well written.

This book seems to fit a new slant - how charisma isn't so much an innate ability but one that can be turned on almost at will with 'internal skill'; it is a distillation of the author's many years of practical business advice to high-ranking CEOs and leadership teams in Fortune 500 companies demystifying behaviours that project presence, power and warmth. However the science behind the science of charisma is surprisingly like you might have come across before.As with most self-help books it doesn't seem to matter what aspects of human behaviour you invariably want to change, eventually you arrive at the tendency towards a negativity bias (inaccurate and unhelpful thoughts) and raising awareness of the traps the mind falls into. Conversely the key to such positive fulfilment is the distortion of reality through the power of the imagination when applied with affirmative action."The Charisma Myth" at its core then is another book with an NLP type behavioural psychology twist of breaking down a talent into its constituent parts many avid readers of Self improvement might find slightly short changed by. I did find myself absorbing the same rudimentary literature relating to body language and presentational skills that had been doing the rounds ever since psychological explanations were applied to sales. In fact, the four types of charisma style that form the crux of de-constructing charisma in this book can be seen as the four Jungian archetypes, which may or may not have have crossed the author's mind: the warrior = focus charisma, the lover = kindness charisma, the king = authority charisma, and the magician = visionary charisma.However, not withstanding the over exposing of myth of charisma's nuts and bolts it does not go unnoticed that the author is a very highly skilled and effective communicator as evidenced in her writing style which lifts effortlessly off the page. There are countless insights, personal experiences and tons of practical exercises to fine tune charisma forming habits and lots of anecdotal and academic research to back this up.I especially found the chapter on being comfortable in handling discomfort a really important tool. This is done in a sequential order by firstly de-dramatising the discomfort, then normalising the experience (destygmatising) detaching from the basis of its validity (neutralising the thought), rewriting our own version of its reality (more poignant if written down) and finally transferring its responsibility to a greater power.. God anyone? This last point, again reminded me how such Ninja moves of the internal variety have always been "out there" - possibly for those lucky enough to be coached by supportive mentor/peer groups with or without formal belief systems.Further chapters on establishing warmth and rapport are also particularly good, especially in understanding the natural escalation from gratitude and good will, through to empathy and compassion (I had thought empathy and compassion were the same, but apparently not). Another very well explained technique for giving people a sense of ownership for their success and therefore warding off envy and resentment (a negative side effect of those exhibiting charisma) is explained called the JALIR sequence: 'J'ustify your reason to contact someone first, 'A'ppreciate them by 'L'aying it all out and tell them the 'I'mpact they have on you by crediting them with 'R'esponsibility.In rapidly summing up this book it brings to mind that many successful people have a resource of creative visualisation in their tool-kit as well as a seeming natural presence - two incredibly important sustainers and nourishers of personal success. But very much in the same vein as Napoleon Hill and Andrew Carnegie, Olivia Fox Cabane has discovered the same precious secrets of charisma and converted them into the style of a training manual so that maybe others can learn to mirror the key components of influence too.Whether this book will have the same impact as the aforementioned classics remains to be seen though one suspects that the true craft is as always in the application and no amount of reading will replace constant practice and coaching. More importantly we are told a lack of imagination and personal projection can be overcome.

This book is heavy going and there is a lot to take in which means it's all too much to remember, I would recommend just focusing on one chapter at a time and putting that into practice otherwise there's an information overload and you just end up forgetting it all. What I found most helpful was the art of mirroring, I had no idea this was so effective until I practiced it and wow what a result, I actually got promoted at work, now whether this was due to my work output or by the mirroring I'll never know but it seems like a bit of a coincidence to me. I just which I'd read this book prior to attending around 50 interviews as it is most helpful in the interview situation, you can really manipulate people using these techniques so what they really remember about you is how special and important you made them feel, ie this allows you to be memorable for all the right reasons and when they are interviewing 50+ candidates it's highly important to be memorable. Also some useful chapters on presentation skills and how to command the room and captivate your audience, this section is irrelevant to me as I would never have the confidence to do a presentation or public speaking. I feel this book has somewhat changed my life as I now know what people want to hear and it certainly isn't anything about me, they want to hear compliments and that they are truly listened too. Highly recommended to anyone who wants to gain friends, job prospects or influence people.

This book has genuinely had a really big impact on my social skills and I think that I have benefitted a lot from reading it. I am now better at dealing with difficult social situations as well as being able to talk to people in everyday situations. One of my favourite parts of this book is that it provides you with different exercises to help you practice concepts in the book which is helpful because it can help you to remember what you have learnt as well as how to apply it.One feature that many readers may enjoy is the parts where tips are summarised in boxes or at the ends of chapters, making it easier to recap points that you have already read.I would recommend this book for anyone looking to improve their social skills - even people who are already charismatic stand to benefit from some of the tips in this book.Out of all the similar books I have read, the charisma myth is probably my favourite. I also enjoyed a book called Give and Take, which contains some concepts similar to those in this book 😄

I have a total lack of charisma, my personality is as bland as blank sheet of paper. And I am as unremarkable as a tiny fish in a vast shoal.Yet I’m frequently involved marketing events and have to give presentations to large crowds.So I can only dream of having the charisma of Obama or JFK.At the same time there is little hope for me as I rarely read self-help books mostly because they are generally poorly-written by self-obsessed authors and teach me trivial things that I already know.This book is not so different. Yet it places the myth of charisma in a decent perspective.In the end I should be glad I picked up the book and worked through it. As it is somewhat helpful, it teaches you important elements of charisma and how to be more mindful of that.Now I fill the room a little bit more with my presence. I have gained a slightly more magnetic personality. And feel I’m better able to steer my daily group meetings in my desired direction. Moreover.. my power over the other-sex has dramatically increased! haha.. but from a very low level, as it was non-existent before.