How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism

I really only bought this book because I liked Guise's Minihabits book so much. I didn't really consider myself a perfectionist, but I discovered I could use a lot more information from this book than I expected. I also was concerned this book would have too much overlapping content from Guise's Minihabits book and blog posts, but it had a lot that I hadn't seen before. PROS: First, the structure of this book is really clear and usable. I loved that Guise didn't waste our time with a lot of "here's how to know if you're a perfectionist" drivel and instead focused on understanding perfectionism, its causes, and its solutions. In particular, I found Guise's review of the academic literature on perfectionism to be both conscientious and valuable. It does seem true that when academics are talking about perfectionism being good, they are focusing on the aspects that aren't really a focus on perfection (like "seeking excellence" or "being organized"). Guise also does a great job simplifying the categories that the academics used and adding ones of his own when needed. Next, Guise does a great job explaining how perfectionism has to be perceived as something bad if any real progress is to be made. So long as you are secretly congratulating yourself on your "flaw" of wanting everything to be perfect, you won't understand just how pervasive the problem is or be very effective in changing it. Thirdly, Guise flummoxed me by introducing new (to me) aspects of perfectionism: insisting that the context be perfect in order for you to take action ("I'm going to speak up at the meeting at work today...no, actually, Jamie's here, and he talks too much so no one will hear me...or, oh no, it's an AFTERNOON meeting this time, well, that's a loss because I'll be too tired...or, I'm sitting right next to the boss? that's too much stress, forget it; I won't speak up.") and goal size (assuming a goal has to be a "Standard American Goal"--something other people would use as a goal, a big chunk of obvious success rather than small goals of incremental progress). I didn't think I was very perfectionistic until I read about these kinds. I can see how I've fallen into these perfectionisms time and time again, and just from reading Guise's book, I've already made a lot of progress in changing the way I think about context and goal size. This is especially important to people who liked Guise's Minihabits book, because if you are like me, you added some great minihabits, made a lot of progress, and yet still felt somehow whiny and unsatisfied because you were fixated on the external "standardized" major goal. In my case, this meant I made a lot of daily progress in writing a book, but I still felt bad because I didn't have "Publish a book" checked off my imaginary perfectionist list. Why should "publish a book" be the goal? It's too big a chunk to be focusing on right now. I just got lulled into insisting my life wasn't right until this "society-approved" goal was done, and I didn't think any smaller goals or a life of progress could count for anything. Guise makes a lot of other great points throughout the book, but I don't have time to detail them all! :) I will say that Guise's humor is a plus. CONS: Because this book was GREAT!, I have mostly nitpicky things to say as cons. The one thing I don't think is nitpicky is that Guise could use a broader group of examples. Nearly all his examples were about exercise, writing, and asking for dates. It is nice to write what you know, but it's also important to know your audience, and I'm sure many of Guise's readers would appreciate seeing how his concepts work for a more varied group of activities and goals (e.g. environmental goals, meetings at work, repairing a broken marriage, childrearing, saving money, investing, volunteering, apologizing, traveling, doing taxes, caring for an elderly person, being sick, getting along with difficult coworkers, etc.). Probably Guise drew from his own experience and those of his friends, but he may need to ask family members or other people of varying demographic groups (age, marital status, etc) to get ideas for more examples. That said, many readers will do fine adapting Guise's examples to their own cases without any trouble. Now for the nitpicky things: I had hoped for a discussion of perfectionism regarding OTHERS' actions, and that never really came up. If your perfectionism takes the form of insisting that others behave in a certain way, should the action steps be any different? (For example, I often let my husband do the dishes, then I obsess about the food gunk that is still on them afterward, and that makes him feel bad.) Are there any complicating features we need to be aware of? Most perfectionists I know do have a problem in interacting with others, because their own need for perfect results makes them micromanage or scold other people. Should this be handled any differently than more personal forms of perfectionism? Would it matter if the relationship is long-term or just a momentary interaction with a stranger? (e.g. "That cashier just bagged my meat with my vegetables!") Most of Guise's examples involve either no interaction with other people (e.g. exercise) or very limited response from others (e.g. you ask for a date, the other person says "yes" or "no.") Guise also uses the phrase "sunken cost" repeatedly, which I found very awkward. I'm sure "sunken" is better grammar than "sunk cost," but I've only ever heard the phrase "sunk cost," and at some point common use wins out over formalized grammar. It really threw me off trying to read that passage smoothly. Lastly (see how nitpicky I have to be to find flaws?), Guise recommends lying down in public to get over one's fear of social disapproval and says it is harmless. In most places this is probably harmless, but where I lived before (not the U.S.), men actually did this, in order to look up women's skirts. (Often they kept a hand mirror in their pockets for when the angles weren't quite right.) Anyway, just be aware that if you do this, especially if you are male, it may not be perceived as harmless by everybody. Again, probably in most places this won't be an issue. All in all, this was a fantastic book! The cons were really unimportant, and the pros made this book a delight. I especially appreciated Guise's humorous tone. Occasionally, it would even wax a little poetic, like when he wrote: "It's like seeing a dense fog in the woods: danger may lurk behind it, but the allure of its mystery still draws in the curious ones." Nice! I am really happy that this book was so practical and fun.

I really enjoyed this book. Stephen Guise has a way of breaking things down that feels honest, practical, and easy to relate to. He shows how perfectionism often holds us back more than it helps, and how taking small, imperfect steps forward is actually the key to real progress. It was a great reminder that we don’t need to wait for the “perfect” moment to start moving forward. While reading, I started thinking more about where perfectionism comes from. It can be shaped by a mix of things—how we were raised, fear of failure, pressure to meet expectations, or just our personality. But there’s also a physical side we sometimes overlook. I believe nutrition plays a big role in mental health. Deficiencies in nutrients like zinc, vitamin B6, and magnesium can really affect mood, anxiety, and how we handle stress—possibly making perfectionist thinking even harder to manage. It’s worth paying attention to that alongside the mindset tools this book offers. All in all, this was a helpful, down-to-earth read that encourages self-compassion, realistic progress, and letting go of the pressure to always get everything right. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who feels stuck trying to be “perfect” all the time.

Stephen Guise argues convincingly that many social or mental problems (including anxiety, depression, and inability to carry through on intentions) actually stem from perfectionism. He lays out action-based strategies for addressing various manifestations or components of perfectionism (for example, having unrealistic expectations for oneself or others, or ruminating about past mistakes). He gives ideas for small tasks or “mini-habits” that help one to reset one’s thinking and reframe one’s “failures.” His premise is that doing the actions FIRST and letting the change to mindset follow as a matter of course is much more achievable than STARTING with a vague intention but no actual plan to change one’s own mind. His strategy of “mini-habits” and his metaphorical use “analog v. digital” to reimagine the challenges one faces are super takeaways, along with others. I did not give the book five stars because I thought it was longer than it needed to be. Moreover, the narrow scope of Guise’s illustrations (98% of which pertain to writing, attracting women, and exercising) was irritating, and undermined his credibility by making it seem like he didn’t do any interviewing or research but only drew on his own apparently narrow range of experience. But still, I found HOW TO BE AN IMPERFECTIONIST to be a useful, albeit imperfect book.

This is the first review I've ever written, but I felt I had to write it because of how good this book was. On a walk (after burning out really hard) I realized that maybe I struggle with perfectionism. That perhaps I was constantly measuring myself up to this vague and imaginary bar that was far too high. So alas, as I do when I have a problem, I researched the best book on the topic. Avoiding Brene Brown, I chose this one, and boy, I'm glad I did. This book is the first self-help book that I have ever read (and I have read a lot) that has actually changed my life. Seriously, it's that good. The author is vulnerable in a way that is kind of rare, and his examples on dating and talking to women were very relatable and helpful to me. I would recommend this book to anyone, even if they don't think they are a perfectionist (they probably are). So yeah. First review on amazon goes to this wonderful book. Buy it!

I love the title of this book, and the description seemed perfect (pun intended) :) I enjoyed the intro & looked forward to continuing the read, but I can't seem to get into Mr. Guise's writing style. That's not to say he's a bad writer, just not what I find useful. I am working with a therapist on just this perfectionism topic now, and I hope to re-visit the book in the future. I also have a tough time with most of the examples he gives, as we don't have similar interests. While I totally see myself in his description of perfectionist along with its many downfalls, I can't relate to his writing. I admit i haven't read the whole book, but the examples are the same in the first couple of chapters. I'm not a gym-rat (yoga is my thing), and I most certainly am not concerned about asking someone out (I'm happily married). If you feel the title & description are about you, AND you love exercising & struggle with dating, this just may be the book for you.

While I've been a reader of his blog since 2011, and consistently impressed with the quality and utility of the content, this book goes above and beyond. Stephen Guise is an author who, through a deep personal desire to understand and transform his own life, has developed a system that works. Through his commitment to his own development, he has found the root of the problem: Perfectionism. The title is a bit deceptive, though not inaccurate. Perfectionism rears its ugly little head in many areas of our lives, masquerading as other issues. It usually isn't obvious that perfectionism is the root of the problem. The strength of this book lies in the fact that it's not merely an academic discussion (although it is well researched). Stephen expertly interweaves the scientific research with personal experiences, trial and error, and reader stories. Most importantly, Stephen lays out numerous easy to implement strategies to combat the problem. While readers of Mini-Habits will be familiar with some of the ideas, How to be an Imperfectionist expands and improves that strategy. Small adjustments to the way we approach our tasks, and to the way we evaluate them, can make all the difference in the world. These aren't all conceptual "change your attitude" ideas, either. They are actionable steps that provide immediate progress. Small, but real, victories that add to life-changing results. The book is well written and entertaining. More importantly, it's immediately useful. This one is a strong recommend, and I look forward to reading more in the future.

This is a very good book..... I felt it was on the same level with "The Now Habit"... Where you feel like the author really knows what they are talking about and manages to fit important and deep insights into every single page... And read me like a book. I had to laugh when he mentioned that a perfectionist would try to fix everything all at once with mini habits and fail. I have three times now attempted to take on about 20 mini habits at the same time... I am sure you can guess what happened. And I know I really need to do like 2-3 mini habits... But I get stuck right there since I couldn't decide which few best ones to choose! And the fear of mistakes keeps me from even just picking one and trying... What if I attempt just 1 mini habit and still fail?! Trying to please a specific person keeps me stressed 24/7. I live my life feeling like I am never enough. I go through life dreaming of the great things I can accomplish... too scared to really try anything and fall short of my dreams. THIS BOOK GETS IT. Every detail of it. Steven has done his research... He manages to unroll the messy ball of perfectionism to allow us to observe the many different aspects and sides to it and then recommend specific and easy ways to combat each. A person who really follows his advice will probably be well onto the path to recovery. This book deserves to become a classic. I think one of the most helpful perspectives this book offers is its emphasis of "lowering the bar" rather than psyching you up to be able to reach the high bar. Oh, and one more thing... I thoroughly enjoy the writing style of this book. It is a joy to read.

I'm not a native speaker and I found this book a bit difficult to read as the author uses a wide range of unusual vocabulary. Not bad, but I had to stop several times and then read the book again. A bit repetitive, but, please note, I am a perfectionist so, probably is that perfectionist mind that makes me be a bit sharp with my review. I won't say is a must read book as I haven't try others, but it definitely helps, In other words, you won't lose the time or the money, it will definitely help you.

I really really really liked this book, very helpful and with actually practical advices. Strongly advised to buy and read

Having read his Mini Habits book and found it helped me use my time more profitably instead of wasting it ( I have been retired for over 20 years) this book was very welcome. Anyone who feels their output I.e. re housework even just gets less and less when retired will know the feeling of realising one's standards are dropping. We try to keep up an impossible perfect house say and end up doing nothing at all because we can't. This book has shown me how to accept a more relaxed " good enough" standard without feeling guilty. It is not a case of having a could not care less attitude but questioning whose hoop are we trying to jump through to achieve perfectionism and why . Well written and thoughtful. Easy to understand and put into practice.

Ce livre est super, je suis perfectionniste depuis la plus tendre enfance et ce livre m'a beaucoup aidé. Je recommande aussi Detox your thoughts de Andrea Bonior, avec ces deux livres vous aurez les clés pour vous sortir de la tempête mentale qu'est le perfectionnisme.

Gutes Buch. Würde ich weiter empfehlen.

I was looking for a different approach in perfeccionism, and I found it! Very helpful book. I can already see some changes in my behavior in just one week.