Cheating in a Nutshell: What Infidelity Does to The Victim (Asked, Answered and Explained)

Another reviewer noted this book is ahead of its time in that it accurately portrays what victims of infidelity experience. An affair is never the fault of the person who was cheated on. Never. And this book shows how we need to stop trivializing, excusing and even romanticizing infidelity. Wayne and Tamara Mitchell cite years of letters from the cheated-upon, the other woman/man, the cheaters, and the children of parents who cheated to show the real effects of betrayal. The focus is on the betrayed not the cheater, and if you've been cheated on, I agree with other reviewers: this is the best book, the only one you need. Marriage counselors should add it to their libraries too.The authors cite psychological studies about gut reactions, primitive responses, etc. to illustrate why being cheated on is so traumatic. They also cite studies of how humans make decisions, assess risk, are informed by bias, etc. in chapters discussing why people choose to stay or leave a relationship. If you are considering those options, the scientific studies referenced in this book might lend some clarity to that process.Finally, there is practical advice for what the betrayed partner can do to heal. In one study, the authors cite Dr. Glenn Schiardi's work on PTSD, types of trauma humans experience and how easy each type is to get over. Looking at that research, Wayne and Tamra note, "The hardest events to overcome are those which are man-made and deliberate. Cheating adds one additional element to that. Not only was the act man-made, not only was it deliberate, it was done by a person within our smallest circle of attachment. We believed they loved us . . ." Gut-wrenching. But you can heal. This book will help.This book is written with kindness and empathy and clear logic to help those who've been betrayed make informed choices about how to move forward in life. I agree with the other reviewers who say this is the only book on infidelity you need.

I loved the style of writing, their rationale, the steps of recovery for the many of us impacted by the corrupt character of what we thought were committed spouses and partners. Wayne and Tamara covered so many of my thoughts and put it into words that had me sobbing ,meditating , empowered and sometimes speechless. It dispelled many a myth particularly the one that claims ‘The wife always knows’. Cheating is a choice..a character flaw, the act of a coward who brings devastation into the life of someone they so-call love. This book for me is a resource keeper for recovery for anyone who has been cheated on. I cannot identify it or call it an “affair”, that is something people generally take a gift too; Cheating is an underhanded, treacherous act of betrayal of one’s trust. That is its nature. Cheating destroys…the trust, commitment, and the vow of fidelity. To name a few. Participants of infidelity deserve at all times and in all situations to be exposed and kicked to the curb. The kids will make out better than one could imagine! Again, a well - written book on a very painful topic with real solutions for the innocent party who has been impacted.

This book was enlightening, empowering and encouraging. I resonated with so many of the scenarios presented and the authors advice couldn’t be any more on point in so many aspects, it was eye opening to understand how universal this experience is and it helped me feel better about the shoes I’m in today and the steps I’ll be taking tomorrow. Thank you!

As one who has been cheated on by the same person many times over two decades, I was looking for something to help me understand and explain it all.This book is very different that others I have read.In summary:1) You are not to blame for your significant others cheating. Do not allow anyone, even a therapist to tell you any different.2) If they have cheated on you once, they will most certainly do it again and again.3) The reasons what are often not know and do not matter.4) The only thing to do after being cheated on is to leave the person and never look back.5) If financially intertwined in your relationship, seek legal counsel.6) If you are feeling depressed and cannot seem to get over the affair, get out and seek a good therapist.The book was easy to read, with straight forward, no-holds-barred advice. Much of it may be hard to hear but I think for most people, it is what we need.I have read that after a spouse cheats, < 10% of the those relationships can be saved. Not something most of of what to hear, but probably need to do so.Two things to know:1) Their are some small religious overtones in this book but not enough to make me, an atheist put it down.2) The book only covers heterosexual relationships and though non-traditional couples can learn from the advice in the book, I would love to see a similar book covering gay/lesbian culture and its differing norms.If you are in a relationship where you are being cheated on, know you deserve better. It is not your fault. I hope you an find a real positive solution to your situation. This ok may help.

Written (refreshingly) not from a clinicial or academic view but based on the evidence from many thousands of letters recieved as part of a newspaper column which the authors were once responsible for. It is well written and accessible and based on real experiences, resulting in a book filled with truly good sense, and down to earth and practical advice for anyone who has been cheated on. If you're a cheater you won't find any sympathy in this book in fact the authors make no bones about pointing out the damaging character flaws of individuals who cheat and that staying with them is likely to bring a high cost to the victim. For anyone who has been cheated on it will deliver a dose of common sense thinking, plus a sprinkle of hope and light at the end of a dark tunnel.

One of the best books on the subject. Cuts right to the heart of the matter and is well researched. The other book that I would suggest is Leave A Cheater Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. Most books on cheating are too forgiving of cheaters. These are the only two I know of which speak the truth; cheating is a form of abuse and a relationship with a cheater is always going to be a nightmare of suspicion, hypervigilance and sadness, not to mention the risk of STDs. Divorce the scumbags! They don't change, though they will blatantly lie and promise to do so. If they cheated, you must face the fact that they don't love you.

In today’s society it often seems that you are the odd one not being quickly ok after the person you should have been able to trust the most has betrayed you. Cheating is no big deal, going to prostitutes or viewing porn, everyone does it. I think we are more and more being held hostages by the apologists of this kind of worldview. Fortunately, I found this book, and finally feel validated in what I have always felt and known: cheating is wrong and bad. And my life won’t be defined by it if I don’t let it. This book is like many sessions with a good therapist or better. Definitely recommend it to everyone who has experienced the worst betrayal by their partner.

If you have been betrayed by your committed partner/ spouse, this book contains the straight facts behind how that impacts you as a human being.If you can understand and accept those facts, you will know what you must do.Read it twice.

Everything now makes sense and this book will give you the pieces of the jigsaw that you need.