Eightysomethings: A Practical Guide to Letting Go, Aging Well, and Finding Unexpected Happiness

I gave this book as a gift to my mother, recently widowed and in her late 80's. She doesn't read any self-help books or that kind of thing, but I had a hunch she would love this one. She did! She's riveted seeing her world reflected in the author's wise words. Here's what she wrote me:"Thanks so much for sending the book. I started reading it right away. More than interesting. There’s so much drivel about aging being written. This is nuanced, positive without sugarcoating, real without whining. I can't put it down."

The author, A Smith College graduate, a Unitarian who proudly promotes the WHO and NPR and admittedly uses examples from mostly New England , certainly promotes a one-sided view of her thesis re. "80-somethings."There ARE interesting stories of fellow 80-somethings, but all from a one-sided point-of -view

The inside story of what it's like to be in your 80s helped us avoid a major fight in our family. I've got a lot of siblings and we had conflicting ideas about how to deal with our 86-year-old parents who still live independently. What an eye-opener. We realized we had stopped treating them like adults--you know, real people-- and expected them to bend to our expectations.We've now each got a copy of the book and we are working through the self-help exercises that are enabling us to get to know our parents on an entirely new level. It's been a blessing, and kind of fun. I'm giving them out as holiday presents for my cousins so they can have a more loving relationship with our aunt who is 82.Thank you Dr. Esty for your timely book!

As a 77 year old, I got this book as soon as I became aware of it, looking for guidance as I move into the last phase of life. The most important thing I learned was that most people in their 80's are actually happy, many happier than they have ever been, despite many challenges. The book is based on interviews with 100+ people in the 80's, and the author herself is in that age group, which creates an interesting perspective. She has some information on the traits of people who seem happy in their eighties, and some guidance on how to get that way. A good read if not a great one.

Esty’s Eightysomethings is intriguing, informative, and ultimately liberating. She weaves three elements (big picture information, individual vignettes, and personal insight) to bring important new light to one of our fastest-growing population segments. Each chapter includes thoughtful conversation-starter questions for eightysomethings and their families. Yet perhaps its biggest gift is that it can help alleviate boomer dread of growing old, pointing instead to multiple paths to “finding unexpected happiness” in our declining years. A tour de force.

This book is exceptional because Ms. Esty chose to do many interviews with eighty-somethings, and to draw her observations from them. Unlike most books about aging, that write in generalities, this book is full of anecdotes and observations that make the content believable and lively. It captures the real, lived experience of being eighty and makes practical, wise recommendations. Great for those who with parents of that age and those who are already there.

Dr. Esty has done a great service to everyone with her book. She covers a lot of ground on many important issues, with her “Conversation Starters” and “Tips for Families” at the end of each chapter perhaps among her most important contributions. We need these conversations as families, as friends, as communities, as organizations, as a society. I cried in several parts, especially reading her closing story of Maggie and Griffin. So beautiful. So full of courage and grace and love.

While reading Eighty Somethings, I felt like I was sitting with a wise and trusted friend. Katharine Esty writes in a conversational style. She includes well researched facts and a delightful variety of voices of women and men experiencing the eighties and coming to some surprising conclusions. I am reassured as I approach eighty.